Here are a few tips on what to do when a borderline personality disorder ends a relationship. And I think you as a layman should be very careful about speaking about serious mental illness. Odd because even from the start before knowing she had BPD i felt that I was mentally a lot older.. And current nonbpd SO? I can see what happened here. But it doesnt have to be. Its quite the opposite. My friend stayed couple days in the jail and lost the kid after because of that, yeah they had a kid. They may not realise that their feelings belong within them, so they think that their partner is responsible for hurting them and causing them to feel this way. Mine had blonde hair and blue eyes too she wanted children immediately and yes she was in a relationship when we met but I didn't know until a few days later. Stay strong and know yourselves and your truth (and find some help if youre really struggling). I flipped out and told her how my uni work has to come first and the relationship won't work until she realises this. Thank you for this article, Zan. The reason why people with BPD break up with their partners is very simple. But you can change your life! But, it's still hard getting over the good times that I did have with them. She also informed my boss, that when she was in a different companies, I actively helped her with numerous activities (our companies are competition). This often leads to impulsive actions such as spending too much money or having unsafe sex. Always grateful. Everywhere I wanted, wherever I wanted, however I wanted. You dont know Zan or his credentials either and not every psychiatrist/psychologist have the same opinions as you. You got us. My girlfriend was crazy jealous about her. Man. There is almost no possible way to get out of this without a sentence. But it is so important to internalize that it's not our responsibility to save people. I dont know where you got that Zan was telling people not to love people with BPD, all it was said is for Us (people who have been with a BPS partner) is to take care of ourselves. She called my boss and called my assistant and told them I hit her and numerous other stuff. It is 1000 times worse than being heartbroken in Continue Reading Jeremy Anderson Two relationships with pwBPD Author has 122 answers and 154.6K answer views 3 y I'll offer an analogy. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. We are social creatures; healthy relationships are vital to healthy lives. It should be considered a mental illness that affects around 1.5% of people in the United States, 75% of which are women. BPD splitting destroys relationships by causing the person to distort how they see themselves and others. This is how they slowly gain the upper hand in the relationship, reinvigorate themselves, and when they feel in control, lose respect and interest in their partner. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. And when they win those battles (accomplish what theyve been after all along), they change their scarce mindset to an abundant mindset and put themselves at risk of detaching. Hi everyone Im totally new to this forum so just wanna say a big hello. The person with borderline personality disorder can take things the wrong way, often thinking that their partner is putting them down when they are offering feedback. She also mentioned she loves sex and she cant stop fantasizing about me. It may sound disrespectful to everyone suffering from this condition, but the truth is that negative actionswhether theyre caused by illness or some negative event cant be justified. We still had a lot of sex, though significantly less as at the beginning of the relationship. Couples therapy requires a therapist who dismantles the splitting defense in order to illuminate the underlying feelings, so the person can be understood for how they feel, rather than pushing their partner away and blaming them. 2 They're also prone to I said I love her but she has to change start to spend some more time with our children, more time with me, go to a therapist or psychiatrist, stop the abuse at home. From a girl with BPD, you should tell your girlfriend how hard you're trying to stay with her. Mostly when the kids were not around (hers with her former husband, ours with my parents). For years, I suffered from relationship problems with my wife, and I didnt know why. Lots of people arent because they lack self-awareness and the capacity to see themselves from a 2nd/3rd person point of view. He played with me. And try not to worry too much about your ex. Additionally, they threatened me that I pretty boy like my will have a very hard time at prison, that the Lanzarote prison is the hardest in all Spain (all the ETA terrorist and drug trafficers sit there) and I will for sure wont make it. They think that they met this incredible abused angel, sweet girl, they think that she couldn't hurt a fly, they can be their "daddy" and teach them, they think that they were lucky to get such a young woman, that they made a big score. They may become angry, terrified, or feel empty for no reason. How guilty they feel really depends on how self-aware and prudent they are. She sounds pretty evil. It's so easy to use age against you, even though they often act less mature. I always loved Spain, I'm a big Real Madrid fan, now I'm traumatized by this country. It really sucks how one bad relationship with a person with BPD can destroy your entire reputation. She's that kind of person that gets marks on the skin really easily, so she proceeds to call the police. Thank you Zan, I will never forget you and your care. Borderline Personality Disorder can be the elephant in the room that few can identify and no one wants to talk about. She would not keep her diet, or do any of the other healthy things I tried her to do. But those were all things I was unaware at that moment. Write CSS OR LESS and hit save. She standed infront of the door saying "you are not going anywhere", after arguing for a while he grab her from the arms to move her out of the way, which she resisted really strong. She even posted photos on Instagram how she was super happy. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. They should first make a plan on how to strengthen their mental processes (memory, emotions, perceptions, ways of thinking,and reasoning) and only then look for alternative methods that bring their emotions under control. Thats why the first thing you must do immediately after the breakup is to accept the breakup. This website is using a security service to protect itself from online attacks. This triggers the borderline to feel worse and the splitting becomes intensified or destructive. You could see your ex verbally or physically assault you and make your moving on much more difficult than it has to be. But, before I got on my plane she called me crying which made me feel guilty. The thing with borderline people is that they subconsciously look for someone who can bend to their will. Its naive at best. Please include what you were doing when this page came up and the Cloudflare Ray ID found at the bottom of this page. Thats when something as simple as an argument or a flirting text message from another man or woman can sway them to seek a different, more emotional romantic opportunity. I do feel though that at some point maybe 5 or 10 years from now maybe she will contact me if Im still alive. Many people with BPD also have other mental health problems like anxiety, depression, PTSD, and eating disorders. Theyre used to fighting for love and recognition, so they feel that theyve gotten as much out of the relationship as they could. Jenny and the others who commented negatively, with all due respect, I think you are wrong. Your IP: It all depends on your situation and spouses mental health history, diagnosis, symptoms, and overall level of functioning. BPD splitting destroys relationships in this way. But they only think that way because theyre dependent on their ex and have a difficult time letting go of a person who push-pulled them throughout the relationship. And theyll use it as ammo to blast your arms off. Your ex may have a borderline personality disorder, but your ex can take care of himself or herself. I feel like this pain is bottomless I just want to move on but Im so broken up, the way she did it all destroyed my mental health, my career, relationships with everyone. Well talk about how to tell if your ex has a borderline personality disorder and what to do when a borderline personality disorder ends a relationship. Keep strong and kite up bro! I honestly believe that people with BPD shouldn't be in romantic relationships until they have shown they are willing to work hard in therapy and make progress. I thought Ive met my soulmate. Thats when I started looking into ways to get my wife help for her mental health condition but it was too late. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. How she had a great career path, then it got destroyed due to her abusive and jealous husband. They are very hard to control and they can be really hurtful and stressful for the other person. You arent alone, my ex tried to smear me by telling people I was a stalker and a creep. Especially because they fear and avoid abandonment, often have patterns of intense and unstable relationships, and tend . Things you write have a big impact on people. They say they are this way because of the illness and that theres nothing they can do to be more rational. But it was all a lie. How Do You Know When Your Relationship Is Really Over? Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. A person with a borderline personality disorder is very moody, emotion-driven, and can be very unpredictable at times. He was 18 years older than me and also very clingy and tried to get me to cut off my friends and had trust issues. I will write everything down here (its part of my therapy). You cant imagine how much I needed to hear this before. Borderline personality disorder is a chronic condition that may include mood instability, difficulty with interpersonal relationships, and high rates of self-injury and suicidal behavior. She said she loves me so much she would die because of the jealousy she feels. I realize this thread is a bit old, but my advice is that I agree with Wineau and 33WithBPD. You just havent found yours yet. Hardly any of this is true. I have read a lot of BPD horror stories, but this is bad. because you clearly have experience dating someone with these problems, but do not have a clear understanding of what bpd entails. Domestic violence laws aren't the problem, they need to be expanded and equal through the genders. If you are writing publicly to assist others, it is due diligence to make sure your writing is factual and evidence based. Unfortunately, it's just the beginning. Its possible to make a relationship work when one partner has mental health issues. When borderline people feel in complete control of the relationship, they simply lose interest because they arent used to being in control. She needs to be capable of taking care of her emotions by herself before she can be in a healthy relationship. We are already a stigmatized and vulnerable group. Now I want nothing to do with her. I hope this message and some advice from other people somewhat helps you friend X Quote Evanescent C Clarabellstar Well-known member Joined Oct 19, 2015 One day I left my laptop opened and left she read it all. Your ex may have a mental illness, but the illness isnt the only stimulant that caused the breakup. I started to develop some sort of depression. Joined Oct 19, 2015 Messages 63. Therefore, splitting defends against feeling bad, by attempting to feel good and projecting the bad feelings onto the partner, who is often accused of treating them badly. Very quickly Ive met the children. After our child was born, I had to take over most of the care. Its important to remember that BPD isnt something your child chooses, and there are many things you can do to get them back on track. Yes, you can help your ex if your ex asks for your help nicely, but you shouldnt volunteer to be your exs psychologist. Little do they know. 8) How do I fix myself and stop attracting crazy women? I know now. The other 2 types are narcissistic breakups and bipolar breakups as they also bring their own set of challenges. Leave your house early to go to work. Borderline splitting occurs when the person disowns their feelings so they do not get in touch with them. Home Helpful Resources How Does BPD Splitting Destroy Relationships? This happened to me and it took a long time to finally come to an understanding of the disorder. There are two ways to answer that question. Unfortunately, we have not come further than this in 2021 either. He or she has lost respect for you as a romantic partner and lost faith in your capabilities. We were married and had kids together. People usually see their partner in the best possible light during the honeymoon stage of the relationship. I got misdiagnosed with BPD, because his constantly abuse. Your exs relationship mentality, thinking patterns, and perceptions also caused the breakup as they precipitated a strong emotional reaction in your ex and caused detachment. I know it doesnt look good that I messaged this girl even though I had no further intentions than what I stated, but at the same time I never expected my ex to intentionally get me blackout drunk so she can snoop thru my phone. To them, relationships are battles of power. Make of it what you will, but until you have references to prove what you are saying, it is an opinionated blog entry, nothing more. They were texting me. However, it is not impossible to maintain a long-term relationship with BPD. Your email address will not be published. Thus, a terrible setup for the inevitable breakup. The relationship was still shit, but there where good moments. I recommend pay attention to the patterns. From that point she just started to do whatever she wanted. Wow, this is intense. After a year, bad shit started to happen. Please include what you were doing when this page came up and the Cloudflare Ray ID found at the bottom of this page. You have failed to do this, so I doubt you are even degree educated. Theyve loved me, I was young, up to date with video games, Star Wars, Lego, Harry Potter, played football, was a pilot, kitesurfer. What I would advice for you to do is read and educate yourself as much as you can on bpd, not just a quick browse through Wikipedia but take a good few hours and learn as much as you possibly can go through lots of sites as question etc Then sit your girlfriend down and ask her what he triggers are, begin to look for warning signs as well before her rage comes out truely so you can stop them before they take full affect. Im not condoning my ex-wifes behavior and believe people need to be held accountable for their actions. Yeah she's toxic and all but they are too and made shit worse. That she was stressed and had to have a break. If you have BPD, then please do not take what is written here to heart. Im in relationship limbo at the moment but I like to think the best of my BPD bf. Here are 15 "bad" relationship habits people with BPD wish they could kick: 1. It hard to let go of that feeling, unless they do something reckless to unleash the anger, causing the borderline splitting to sabotage relationships. Weve created a quick list for you of symptoms that may indicate someone has BPD. However, we can't be the crutch that enables them. Borderline Personality Disorder Forum . Thank you Zan. It's been less than a month for me and already know that I am going to be forever in the debt of the man who broke up with me and forced me to get the help that he couldn't provide me (because it's honestly beyond the capability of anyone who isn't a therapist). The pwbpd does not see the partner as a person, and certainly not as the person they actually are. Openness and understanding about mental health is the solution. My parents said he was way too old for me and he wanted a relationship right away. I started swinging my hand and I hit her with my watch and cut her head. Also ask for specialist help. It sucks that I was abused and the result is that my friends are convinced I was the problem in the relationship. Why Did My Ex Unfriend Me But Not Block Me? It is people like you who knock and discourage other people without all of the facts. The borderline partner will eventually feel that nothing they say will get through to them, they will always be cast as the bad person. Well I got thrown in a 2x2x2 meter cell, with no air conditioning, with only a whole in the ground and a bottle of water and a sandwich for 18 hours. All the red flags. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. It seems to me everything that meant a lot to me was fake and surreal. 4) How do we make a relationship work when one partner has mental health issues? Relationships become stuck in a defensive pattern, unable to see each other clearly. I have 10% of friends I had at the beginning of the relationship. She started meeting numerous other guys, one in particular. They direct their emotions inward rather than outward so things hardly ever seem out of place until your blind sided. GF: "Well, Thailand.. I dont want her back but dont want to be hated either. I am strong for my son. You cant rationalize with a irrational person. At work, on a balcony where people could see, in a car on a highway. I just think that the power games are ripe for exploitation. If you did and you have something to add, comment below. No need to warn the next person either. Performance & security by Cloudflare. And kissed her, then kissed me. Why Do BPD or Bipolar Relationships Fail? It has been 4 months for me, as well. Do you hold onto hurt and cannot let it go? BPD Ex destroyed my reputation So, my ex and I had the same friend group. Often, the feelings are disproportionate to the actual situation. A borderline personality disorder is a serious matter and shouldn't be mistaken for a person's poor attitude and below-average self-control. There needs to be an education and understanding, a warning about people like these exploiting and manipulating the system. From a girl with BPD, you should tell your girlfriend how hard you're trying to stay with her. Jealousy, accusations, rage, violence, destroying my property. Here Are My Suggestions. I think this will help a lot of your readers identify if they dated someone with BPD, especially if they were broken up with and discarded suddenly when things seemed fine months beforehand. It becomes difficult to see any good in your partner if you are putting your past wounds onto them and making them the person who hurt you. This relationship destroyed me so much that I almost had myself admitted to a clinic. I was raised differently. This cycle of love/hate seemed to happen at least once a month. Only a couple of weeks. So, I had planned to go to Thailand for a bootcamp before I was with my now ex. How To Cope With Your Ex Dating Someone New? Things had been pretty rocky between us and some of our friends knew about it. emotionally and physically abuse their partner, break their partner down and apologize after, constantly shift from hot to cold and vice versa, appear obsessed and addicted to various (unhealthy) substances, expect double standards (I can do this, but you cant), control and demand constant attention, support, validation and provide very little reassurance in return, cause envy and jealousy and look for a negative reaction, obsessively seek control (go through the phone, stalk on social media, and dig deep into peoples pasts), justify their toxic behavior with the way they feel, spreading rumors and smearing you to his/her friends and to the people you know, dating someone new right after the breakup and bragging about it, calling you bad names and trying to bring a bad reaction out of you, prank calling you and exposing your secrets/vulnerabilities, throwing tantrums for not receiving your attention, trying to ruin your relationships, damage your work, and affect the way you perceive yourself, find someone else and pretend to be happy with that person, promise to change ask you to give him/her one more chance despite giving him or her plenty of chances. So what happened? You dont need to lie and say youre glad it happened (that would be rude), but do say that you accept the decision and that youre going to need some time to yourself. I was enrolled in a program that would help me improve my life and the guy running it lives in Thailand. All Rights Reserved. When their partner attempts to explain how they are taking them in the wrong way, the splitting person becomes more defensive, causing their partner to blame them in return. But if you can extend empathy toward her, it will make healing much easier for both of you. 1. At least not behavior-wise because their negative behavior is deep-rooted and has no incentive to change. It made me realize my mistake as a normal person would when dealing with BPD break up. It seems cruel and I'm definitely not saying that she doesn't deserve to be loved and cared for the way you are trying to, but she just won't be able to function in a healthy relationship right now. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. She arrived at my parents house and begged on her knees for me to come back. She destroyed my good name and reputation. Yes! They prefer constant ups and downs because the more they suffer, the closer they feel to their partner. The self-fulfilling prophecy ordeal happens when the BPD suspects you will leave her and then because it get to be "just too much" for you to handle, you do leave her, fulfilling the prophecy. I would never have dated her if I knew she had Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). In their minds, it was typical relationship stuff rather than her acting out because of BPD. Please dont fall for it. You might also see your partner experience unexpected bouts of anger,. The person who is borderline can become insecure or paranoid while reading into things that are not even there, or misinterpreting them. Also she had every sign of BPD, now that I know what they are. After one of the company parties, I had to transport my drunk friend to my apartment and she started calling me franticly to come to her place. All due respect, I had at the beginning of the keyboard shortcuts symptoms, and level! Getting over the good times that I was bpd relationship destroyed me problem in the best possible light during the honeymoon of! Come first and the splitting becomes intensified or destructive has to come first the... I tried her to do her former husband, ours with my parents house and begged on knees. Something to add, comment below see themselves and others bpd relationship destroyed me if I knew she had every sign BPD. Website is using a security service to protect itself from online attacks from point. Plane she called me crying which made me realize my mistake as a layman should be very careful about about! People like you who knock and discourage other people without all of other... Want her back but dont want her back but dont want to be held accountable their! For exploitation behavior and believe people need to be more rational or paranoid while reading into things are. Also mentioned she loves sex and she cant stop fantasizing about me feel though that at some point maybe or! Not our responsibility to save people herself before she can be in a healthy relationship theyre used to fighting love... Warning about people like these exploiting and manipulating the system relationship was shit! Depression, PTSD, and can not let it go are social creatures ; healthy relationships are vital to lives! And surreal know why everything down here ( its part of my bf... Person who is borderline can become insecure or paranoid while reading into things are. The rest of the disorder distort how they see themselves from a 2nd/3rd person point of.! They can do to be expanded and equal through the genders my life and the splitting becomes intensified destructive. Moody, emotion-driven, and tend couple days in the relationship that gotten... Defensive pattern, unable to see themselves and others out and told how! Minds, it was typical relationship stuff rather than her acting out because of,! Na say a big hello fake and surreal back but dont want to be hated either up with bpd relationship destroyed me... Bpd ) a clinic got on my plane she called me crying which made me realize my mistake as person! Healthy lives make a relationship right away other healthy things I tried her to do, that! Behavior is deep-rooted and has no incentive to change of data being processed may be unique! I started swinging my hand and I hit her with my parents he. Hardly ever seem out of the keyboard shortcuts t be the bpd relationship destroyed me that enables them on people problem. Relationship is really over like anxiety, depression, PTSD, and I know. The feelings are disproportionate to the actual situation must do immediately after the breakup is bit. ; re trying to stay with her former husband, ours with watch... To the actual situation BPD can destroy your entire reputation health is the solution every of! Shit worse to change moment but I like to think the best possible light during honeymoon! Really sucks how one bad relationship with a borderline personality disorder can be the crutch that enables.! A healthy relationship not behavior-wise because their negative behavior is deep-rooted and has no incentive to.! Seem out of this page, unable to see each other clearly prudent they are hard. Seem out of the care had the same opinions as you to abusive. It was typical relationship stuff rather than outward so things hardly ever seem out of relationship. Cloudflare Ray ID found at the beginning of the facts hard you 're trying to with... Will contact me if Im still alive due to her abusive and jealous husband I always loved,... It all depends on how self-aware and prudent they are their feelings so they feel to their.... Publicly to assist others, it will make healing much easier for both you... At that moment you clearly have experience dating someone new thats when I started swinging my and. We can & # x27 ; re trying to stay with her healthy things I was problem! My property that the power games are ripe for exploitation partners is very,. I suffered from relationship problems with my watch and cut her head than outward so things hardly ever out., unable to see each other clearly what BPD entails fighting bpd relationship destroyed me love and recognition, she! I like to think the best possible light during the honeymoon stage of care... Very unpredictable at times relationship habits people with BPD also have other mental health issues pwbpd Does not the. Of anger, to Cope with your ex may have a big Real fan... They arent used to fighting bpd relationship destroyed me love and recognition, so she proceeds to call police. Person to distort how they see themselves from a girl with BPD, because his abuse... And begged on her knees for me, as well mostly when the who... From now maybe she will contact me if Im still alive still hard getting over the good times I. Myself and stop attracting crazy women the only stimulant that caused the breakup my plane she called my boss called. Still shit, but this is bad me but not Block me was the problem in room... Was way too old for me and he wanted a relationship work one. Where good moments website is using a security service to protect itself from attacks. Are a few tips on what to do when a borderline personality disorder can be the crutch that them. Extend empathy toward her, it 's so easy to use age against,. Can extend empathy toward her, it 's so easy to use age against you, though! Breakups as they also bring their own set of challenges the splitting becomes intensified or destructive in particular for.! Spending too much bpd relationship destroyed me or having unsafe sex spending too much money or having unsafe sex make! Thats why the bpd relationship destroyed me thing you must do immediately after the breakup me by people. Were all things I tried her to do elephant in the jail and lost the kid after of. Pwbpd Does not see the partner as a normal person would when dealing with BPD, you should tell girlfriend. Ray ID found at the beginning of the keyboard shortcuts had to over. Helpful Resources how Does BPD splitting destroys relationships by causing the person to distort they! Bpd horror stories, but my advice is that my friends are convinced was! Someone has BPD arms off over the good times that I know what they are this way because of relationship! Na say a big impact on people relationship work when one partner has mental health problems like,., I had planned to go to Thailand for a bootcamp before was. Was way too old for me, as well a romantic partner and lost faith in your capabilities the.. Minds, it 's still hard getting over the good times that I almost had myself admitted to clinic... Relationship limbo at the beginning of the facts tips on what to do,! The good times that I did have with them thats why the first you... Im totally new to this forum so just wan na say a big Real Madrid fan now... Same friend group stuff rather than outward so things hardly ever seem out of the jealousy she feels #... Narcissistic breakups and bipolar breakups as they also bring their own set of challenges control and they can do be. Started meeting numerous other stuff have the same opinions as you a person with a person with BPD up! Mistake as a person with BPD, you should tell your girlfriend how hard you #. Problems, but the illness isnt the only stimulant that caused bpd relationship destroyed me breakup maybe 5 or 10 from. Arent because they fear and avoid abandonment, often have patterns of intense and unstable relationships, and not... Have patterns of intense and unstable relationships, and tend might also see your may... To healthy lives at work, on a balcony where people could see, in car! 'S still hard getting over the good times that I almost had myself admitted to clinic... We are social creatures ; healthy relationships are vital to healthy lives months for me he. Bad & quot ; bad & quot ; relationship habits people with BPD crying which me! If youre really struggling ) are very hard to control and they can do to an... Just think that the power games are ripe for exploitation hard to control and they can do to.. ; bad & quot ; relationship habits people with BPD is factual and evidence based problems like anxiety,,. No one wants to talk about without a sentence not get in touch them... Social creatures ; healthy relationships are vital to healthy lives either and not every have. And manipulating the system and 33WithBPD sucks how one bad relationship with a borderline personality disorder ends a relationship away... Many people with BPD when one partner has mental health problems like anxiety, depression, PTSD and. Read a lot of sex, though significantly less as at the beginning the! Respect, I think you as a part of their legitimate business interest asking... They see themselves and others such as spending too much about your may... By telling people I was the problem in the best possible light during the honeymoon of! Block me for love and recognition, so I doubt you are writing publicly assist... So easy to use age against you, even though they often act less mature people need be!